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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403528">Him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_favorite_girl_next_door/pseuds/your_favorite_girl_next_door'>your_favorite_girl_next_door</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gilmore Girls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Confusion, F/M, Feelings, emotions are hard to figure out, recap of s2 told through Rory’s thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:33:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>792</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403528</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_favorite_girl_next_door/pseuds/your_favorite_girl_next_door</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on what Rory was thinking during the majority of season 2.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Forester/Rory Gilmore, Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had this random idea, and even though I’m in the middle of another story, I had to write this out and put it out there. Let me know what you think! I appreciate it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rory had been confused for a while now. She had no idea how long she’d felt out of place in her own life, but it happened. No, scratch that, she knew exactly when it started. Her confusion, Dean’s insecurities, the relationship strain, it all had one common denominator. <em>Him.</em></p>
<p>He showed up, smirking with that crooked mouth of his, cursing everyone in this small town. Everyone except her, of course. Hopping in her sleigh at the Bracebridge dinner, destroying her competition at snowman building, outbidding Dean for her basket at the bid-a-basket fundraiser, driving her around the town just for ice cream with cones, since that’s the ‘only way you can eat it.’</p>
<p>Dean was kind, he made her feel safe and secure. Always kissed her gently. Popular around town. Dean got along with Lorelai, which has always been her fear.</p>
<p>He was none of that. He was reckless and carefree. Hair gelled back, leather jacket and obnoxious band tshirts, stupid smirk she couldn’t help but smile when she saw it. Quite frankly, he was Lorelai’s worst nightmare, and most of the town hated him. He’d never kissed her, but she found herself imagining it more often than not.</p>
<p>At first, she tried to ignore it. She was Dean’s girl. Nobody else’s, just his.</p>
<p>Then, she’d lost the bracelet Dean made her. She never even noticed. Not until Dean pointed it out and she made some lame excuse about why she wasn’t wearing it at that moment, then ran home and searched high and low for it. She never noticed. How long had it been lost?</p>
<p>Eventually, she found it under her bed after a long day of searching and keeping peace between Lorelai and him. That night she’d examined it, staring at it until her eyes hurt. She tried so hard to feel the same appreciation for it that she felt when she first received it, but all she felt was guilt.</p>
<p>Guilt seemed to follow her everywhere she went. Whenever she’d kiss Dean, then look around to make sure he hadn’t noticed, she found guilt. Everytime she found a newly annotated book of hers, there was guilt. When she blew off Dean and let Paris and him crash her night alone, debating authors and great American classics, there was the guilt again. When she talked to him late at night on the phone and told Lorelai she was talking to someone else, usually using Dean as the person she should’ve spent her free time calling.</p>
<p>Guilt came in spades when he crashed her car. The car Dean made her. Dean built her a car, and here she was, parading around with public enemy number one on Dean’s list. What made it worse was how she didn’t even regret it, the only thing she regretted was that the night ended there, on a sour note, which made her feel more disgusted with herself.</p>
<p>The car was totaled, but that didn’t hurt her as much as the guilt of him leaving town and feeling more sadness over that than the car. Dean, of course, got angry at her for being with him when the crash happened. Dean told her it could’ve been anybody else in that car, Lorelai, Miss Patty, Luke, even Kirk, but no. It had to be him. He always got her in trouble, good riddance he’s gone.</p>
<p>Rory went to New York to go see him. Ditching school and missing her mother’s graduation from business school, not great things, but to her, they paled in comparison to getting to see him again. To walk with him again, laugh with him again. To say goodbye to him again.</p>
<p>Again, guilt followed her when her mother angrily asked where she was and she didn’t feel an ounce of regret. She never regretted anything about him.</p>
<p>Her mom accused her of falling for him, but Rory wholly disagreed. He’s my friend, she tried to justify. That night, she contemplated it. He’s in New York, she finally decided. If he were here, maybe it’d be different. But he’s not, and she’s with Dean. No need to make herself sick over him anymore.</p>
<p>That all changed when she went to Sookie’s wedding. Standing down by the water, waiting for her, was him. Smiling at her. Telling her she looked good. Telling her he moved back. Just because he wanted to. Relief flooded her system, and she rushed at him.</p>
<p>Putting her lips to his, her senses were overloaded. Overloaded by him. By the time he started to kiss her back, over the initial shock, her brain turned to mush.</p>
<p>And it all happened because of him. Because Jess Mariano waltzed into her life. He gave her things Dean couldn’t. Jess made her feel alive.</p>
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